Welcome to the Venceremos Podcast.

I'm your host slash personal
hype woman, Yesenia Villalta.

On this show, I'll be discussing
and providing you professional and

practical tips, as well as a bit of
my personal experiences to help guide

you on your journey to reclaiming
your mind, body, soul, and boundaries.

If you're ready, let's go.

Hey, hey, welcome.

I am so excited to talk about this topic,
especially given the fact that, um, the

elections turned out the way they did and
Chucky will be in his position next year.

So before I do, I do want to invite you.

If you are a therapist, a private
practitioner, and you are in a space where

you want to be in community with like
minded folks to really build a practice

that you're proud of, centering wellness,
authenticity, and community, then this

Join my Empowered Harpernoo program.

It is a nine month mentorship container.

The last day of enrollment is
December 22nd, however, given how

things have played out, I want for
us to have more time for grounding,

soothing, really getting in our
bodies, visioning into this reality

that we want to design for ourselves.

So I've added extra communal bonus
calls starting November 26th.

So if you want to join now.

I encourage you, and if you join before
December 1st, you are getting an extra

90 minute one on one call with me.

I don't just want you to serve
well, I want you to be well.

So join this community.

Each week we are going over a particular
topic and focus ranging from a module,

um, with coaching, talking points,
guide, you get resources, we're working

through it, time for like just connection
where we could just bitch and bond as

people, and co working, co creation
sessions where we get shit done, maybe

it's your notes, maybe it's something
else, we're carving out space, It's a

great way to build our practices and
co create the life we want to have.

And then also some time to like integrate.

You get a personal drive with resources.

You get to tag me.

I give you customized feedback.

We have a group WhatsApp, so you
get coaching in between calls.

I mean, really and truly, I am creating
what I wish that I had and making it

as accessible as possible with payment
plans, because I want you to own

being a CEO from the jump right now.

And we also go over like different things
like systems, frameworks, knowing what

a delegate, I mean, just overall linking
everything, but it starts with you first.

I'm dropping the link below.

Join the empowered heartpreneur.

We already have our
first therapist enrolled.

I am so excited.

We already had our 90 minute integration
call and we focus on like personal

wellness, um, for this dope therapist.

And because she made moves,
she got an extra call.

So.

If you join by December 1st, you get an
extra 90 minute one on one call with me

in addition to the three program Um one
on one calls with me and we also have

our weekly gatherings now To today's
episode I am titling today's episode

rules of engagement have some lord.

Please have some now rules of engagement
is really a You framework and an approach.

It's an approach that I offer up, take
what resonates, leave what doesn't.

But it's an approach just that I
personally have journeyed through and

will, you know, offer up and guide my
clients on as it pertains to deciding

the people that you want to call into
your life, into your inner circle.

Now, we do go over values and things
of that nature, but in general, I

have found that a lot of my clients
will come to certain like similar

pain points when trying to flourish,
if you will, in their relationships.

And this is not just like intimate,
but friendships, professional things

that are family in particular.

And so the benefits of having your
own rules of engagement is that

number one, you're going to be
less likely to take shit personal.

If you know what you're about, if you
know what's important for you and who

you want in your inner circle, and you
meet folks, and you engage, and you find

that you don't jive, then that's it.

Nobody has to be a villain here.

It's simply not a good fit.

Also, the benefits are that like,
one, you're creating emotional,

mental, like, physical spiritual
boundaries around yourself.

And boundaries, uh, that's, that's
for another day, pero if you don't

have your own framework, think of it
as like a consent framework for how

you're going to engage in relationships,
then when you're growing, when you're

evolving, which is what I tend to see.

that you may find that you look at that
person and you're like, what, that person

is looking a little funky to me now.

Like you don't see eye
to eye on certain things.

And so this is just something that I see
a lot of clients and just people, right?

Because we're going into relational
dynamics based on the information that

we have at that time or with that person.

Um, shares with us, however, imagine
if you had your own, like, non

negotiables or negotiables, if you
will, then you're going to be more

satisfied, ultimately, with the people
that you do call into your life.

And so, relationships will change, as
you change, the people that you have

around you Some may stay, some may not,
but it's important to have your own

way of, you know, discerning and kind
of thinking about how am I going to

determine who I'm vulnerable with, who I
can be in community and proximity with.

And so the acronym that I introduced
to you is CORD, Curiosity, Openness,

Reciprocity, and Discernment.

Now for this example, I'm going
to, you know, let's say a friend.

Um, let's start with curiosity.

So, do you feel like this
person is curious about you?

Like do they engage?

Do they ask you how you're doing?

It doesn't mean like they gotta
be hitting you up every day, okay?

Um, but like, are they genuinely
curious to know you as a person?

Um, are they open?

Are they open to getting to
know you or are they just like

more critical and closed off?

Um, And so I'm not gonna lie, I did
kind of challenge myself on this a

bit, especially with the elections,
because with the elections, you

know, our friendships are ending.

I mean, relationships are ending.

That's just what it is.

And some are not.

And so I even had to ask myself, like,
Yesenia, can you be open towards this

person knowing that they voted for Chucky?

No.

That's my response.

And I'm going to get to why, which
is going to be my last point.

But you know, the reality is if you cannot
feel that a person is open with you and

that you can be open, like open, fully,
and honest, two things to consider.

Is it your own trust issues or
maybe like shame or because you

just like to keep people at a bay?

Like that's something for you to work on.

But also could it be that a person is
not open to getting to understand you?

So that's another thing.

Then we have reciprocity.

Now this one is key.

Reciprocity is so key here because
I work with a lot of high achievers.

I worked with a lot of professionals,
professional women of color, and

also therapists and first gen.

And so for many of my clients, and once
upon a time myself, that's, I'm going

to be, I mean, keeping 100 with you.

Like I would Do the most not that
that was like a good thing either but

I would do the most and then I was
starting to realize hey, you know what

if I don't check in on this person
or if i'm not always doing this There

isn't actually really much to like
sustain there isn't really much left

here and so Reciprocity, like do you
feel that if you share they share back

or if you help that they can help?

now Essentially, is this a one sided or is
there, you know, some give and take here?

And it doesn't necessarily need to be
like down 50 50 because there are also

events and scenarios where, you know,
mental health, life circumstances, but

for the most part, do you feel like, Hey,
I got this person, but they also got me.

That's that.

Lastly, discernment.

And that's it.

This is why I said no, I can't
have anybody in my close inner

circle that voted for Chucky.

Now, I recognize, I do, that because of
historical racism, and white supremacy,

and the lie that, you know, just like,
seeking proximity to whiteness, that

somehow it's gonna make you better,
and I recognize that that has fueled

a lot of black and brown folks, you
know, reasons for voting for Chucky.

But for me, when it was all said and
done, I I could not, I simply can't,

I can't have somebody in my sphere of
influence that's close to me or that

I'm close with and vulnerable with.

I just can't trust you.

Now that is, I guess I
never got that decision.

It does not have to be your decision
and you can come up with your own

framework and approach for deciding.

Hmm.

Who is going to be part
of my inner circle?

Now, to recap, we have curiosity.

Is the person curious about you?

Like, are they engaged?

Are they open?

You know, is there reciprocity?

Do they also show up for you
like you show up for them?

And can you trust their discernment?

And I would even add like discretion too.

Can you trust their
discernment and discretion?

If I can't trust your decision making,
then I can't trust your leadership.

If I can't trust your
leadership, um, yeah, it's a no.

Like doesn't mean we're gonna not, not
be friends, but I'm simply not trusting

you with things that I'm, that are
deeply vulnerable and important to me.

So let me know what your thoughts
are, but I felt that it was

important for this one to come out.

I was going to roll it out later around
Christmas, but given the way the elections

played out, um, you know, I'm seeing how
like people, there's a lot of surprises.

Honestly, I'm surprised.

Um, and some of the comments that have
been made, you know, there have been

also a lot of like just safety concerns
for folks because of comments that

are, you know, put out there, but in
general, it is so important to really

look at the people that you have in your
circle and consider, can I be myself?

Can I, like, share all parts of me?

Can I trust this person?

And maybe some of the work that's
needed to be done is on your

end, or maybe it's on theirs.

But you are also going to take shit less
personal when you realize, oh, we just

don't really see eye to eye on certain
things, or we're not in alignment, or

I'm going to keep this person here.

And There's this pastor, um,
he's like a coach in my head.

I mean, he also is a coach, but
I feel like he's like my coach.

Um, his name is Dr.

Darius Daniels and he has a book
called Relational Intelligence,

which I think is really good.

Um, I love just like the way that he
explains it but really and truly the

people that you have in your corner
in your sphere of influence can make

or break the trajectory of your future
and so this is just more of a reason

why I'm So excited to roll out this
mentorship program for therapists where

we can come together, be ourselves,
build, bitch, and bond, operate

as CEOs, but also just like you.

Human and people and grow, but
also from the line space where

we are not burning out here.

You know, a lot of
therapists are fucking tired.

I have never in my time of being in
private practice in the past seven

years have just seen and heard so many
practitioners leaving the field that after

this election are like, I got nothing.

Like, I got nothing.

We went through the first election.

We went through the pandemic.

People are exhausted.

And you don't have to do this alone.

I invite you to consider
joining the program.

I would love to guide you and
welcome you into the community that

I am making it a point to curate.

Specifically, you already know where
I stand on certain things so if this

aligns and resonates with you Welcome.

Like, join us.

It's gonna be a fucking fabulous time.

And so, until next time,
venceremos, we shall overcome.